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The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

I watched "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" on Youtube today. We actually had already started to watch it in reading class but I couldn't wait a whole weekend to finish it. We have been learning about the holocaust, (yes, in reading though I'm not sure why) and I think the movie was a great because it introduced the Holocaust from a child's innocent point of view.
The Holocaust was a horrible thing! Harmless people being taken away by the hundreds from their friends and homes to a place where you were almost guaranteed to die. A lot of people in Europe had no idea about the concentration camps until after the war. They just knew that their Jewish neighbors and friends were being taken away. But they never came back.
So where does OCD fit in you may ask? Nowhere. But I thought I'd share it with you :)
Although, the people persecuted were Jewish. Could there have been a scrupulous Jew or two among the millions? Most Certainly. The people in the camps suffered enough, but with OCD on top of it... ~shudder~

Another random thing. Almost all of the guys in my grade, (I'm not even kidding, like 70% of them) have something with the Jewish faith. I don't know what it is, maybe it was on one of those obnoxious shows they watch, but they are constantly yelling things like, "Jewish!" or "Nazi!" They have all of these inside Jewish jokes and they really make me mad. I could take a little, but it's constant "Hitler!" all day and it drives me crazy! I really hope they grow out of it soon :P

That's it for my blabbing today :)

Facing your fears

No matter what causes us anxiety, we know we will have to face it one day. Yeah, I know... Blah. Personally, throwing up is what gives me the heebie-jeebies. When I think about it, see it, hear it, or see or hear anything like it I start shaking, my palms get sweaty, and I feel all hot and light-headed. Everyday I probably worry about it at least once.
Even last night watching probably my favorite show, The Office. In the first scene, Pam throws up, Andy throws up, then just about everyone else in the office throws up and I freak out... yet, of course, can't look away from the screen. It's almost humorous how no matter where I go, vomit always seems to find me... though, I haven't thrown up since 2nd or 3rd grade. That's probably why it scares me such much. I forget what it feels like. I mean, obviously it's unpleasant but, I think I make it out to be a lot worse than it is. That's really all OCD is. It's distortion of the truth in a way that makes us freak out.
So anyway, my counseling homework is to find three videos of people throwing up. Which means I have to watch them!... Blah! It seems like I'll never not be afraid of throwing up and in a way that's kind of true. I will probably never completely get over it. Nevertheless, I hope I at least mostly overcome it. I guess what I'm trying to say is... OCD's rough. but the way to overcome your fears, is by facing them.

Scrupulosity

Scrupulosity is one of the many forms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. One that I have come to know very well. Basically it's the religious type; the type that effects every part of your life. Germs and all of the other obsessions no doubt confuse and upset your life, but scrupulosity starts at the base and works its way up of until you're a whirlwind of chaotic discombobulation. It was undeniably the most stressful and confusing time of my life.
Warning: The following content is extremely embarrassing.... but true.


A Day in the Life of Scruples:

7:00 AM
Get out of bed and immediately face toward your prayer shelf to begin your morning prayer.You decide to keep things simple with an "Our Father."
Begin with the sign of the cross, pausing in between each Person to reflect: "In the name of the Father........ Son........ and Holy Sp- Oh! I put weight on my left foot when I said Son! Start again!
In the name of the Father...Son-Rrrr!
In the name of the Father.....Son......and Holy Spirit... Good."
After a roughly ten minute Our Father you quickly slip into some clothes and make your way downstairs. But don't forget to cover up the indents you've made in the carpet for standing there for so long. You don't want your mom questioning you later.

7: 32 AM
Don't do your hair or shave your legs. God comes before looks.


8:05 AM
Beginning of School Prayer:
As the prayer begins you try to keep up with your classmates but your thoughts are way behind and you have to start over every time you think of something other than what you're praying about. You say the words they're saying but in your head you're still on the sign of the cross. Everyone sits done when the prayer is done including you, but while they start they're lesson you sit silently staring at the cross until you have completely finished which can take anywhere from 5 minutes to 20 minutes if you get distracted. When you're done make sure you get caught up with what you missed.

11:00 AM
Lunch:
Tip: When finishing the meal blessing prayer, a good way to hide is to go to the bathroom in the last stall and lock the door. But make sure you have a good excuse if you take to long.
Hmm... Ham for lunch... Doesn't the Bible say we shouldn't eat pork?

11:23 AM
Great! It's recess! Get ready to have a blast! But here's a couple rules and tips just to make sure you don't go to hell.
-Never step on left foot when saying any kind of holy word.
-Make sure you step on your left foot when saying especially not holy words (like sin or poop)
-If you hear a siren, see anyone sinning, or just feel guilty for some reason you must say a prayer! Even if you're in front of your friends. You can hide it... probably.
-Never exaggerate! It's lying in disguise!
- Never say Oh my gosh... It's just asking for it. Never say "Goodness!" or "Oh my goodness" because the bible says God is good.
-Don't look at the ground when saying any holy words.

Good Job! Now go have fun!

11:46 AM
Back to work:
Make sure you don't capitalize any words that don't have to be. The only words that deserve capitalization are names for God. Duh! But I'm sure he understands if I'm doing it for a grade... right? Yeah He does. But what if- I'm sure it's fine. Hmm....

2:39 PM
The Bus:
What could be easier then a simple bus ride home?
Just insure that you say a prayer for the forgiveness of the troublesome kids in the front and everyone you see along the way that may look like a sinner while trying to act like you're listening to what your friend's saying.
(Lindsay, If your reading this... I'm sorry. I promise I listen now, no matter how boring it may be :) LOL. Just kidding.
Oh! That reminds me. When texting or instant messaging, make sure you never type "lol" unless you did, in fact, laugh out loud. That would be considered lying.

Evening
Things stay constant for a while. You go to dance, do your homework, and play with your brother.

About 10:00 PM
Night-the most hectic part of your day.
You start off sitting on the bed with your bible. You can read anything you want, but make sure you don't move on till you understand what you read. Repeating lines a couple times is very common.
-Don't think any unholy thoughts while reading.
Bible time can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours.

Prayer Time:

You then kneel by your bed sitting your prayer cards and Rosary in front of you in a very specific order. They can't be touching anywhere on your bedspread where there might be a stain or anything that just doesn't feel right.
Make sure you aren't facing anything directly while you pray or else you may be worshiping false gods. You decide to begin with a decade of the rosary.
Our Father: roughly ten minutes Hail Marys: about 45 minutes on good days.
(For those not common with the Rosary, it normally takes about 10 or 15 minutes a decade.
-When praying, make sure you hold out the holy words like God and Jesus for about 5 seconds. Don't think about anything unholy while you do this. If you do, start the prayer over or at least back up a couple lines.
-Also, never sit down or lean on your bed while you're praying. Jesus died on the cross for you so you should be able to kneel for a couple hours.
By now, your dad has probably told you to go to bed. You casually say okay and pretend to end your prayer, but I mean...Come on! You're just starting!

Then you start with your regular prayers.
Prayers for sinners, Prayers for sick, Prayers for dead, Prayers for Forgiveness, or whatever you can come up with. But don't leave anyone or anything out. It is your responsibility to take care of this world and make sure people don't die or go to hell. God will be very mad at you if you forget something. If you wake up in the middle of the night and think of something you have to get up and pray so you should try to remember everything now. These prayers last about 1 to 2 and a half hours.
-If you ever have to pee while praying...don't! You would be putting peeing before God and that's a sin. (Yes, I have peed my pants before)
Finally, you finish with your prayer cards. Nothing to dramatic, just make sure you think about exactly what you're reading.
Alright. Almost done. Seal it with a sign of the cross and you're good to go. Put away all of your prayer items, go to the bathroom and lay down to fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow. After all, it's usually 1 or 2 o'clock by now. Your legs are aching for kneeling sooo long but that's okay. You'll get used to it.



So that's what an average day was like for me about a year and a half ago. Plus all of the anxiety, guilt, and depression that I didn't really mention. But thanks to counseling, medicine, and family, I'm a lot more... normal. Ha ha. But not all the way.
Actually, I really have come a lot closer to God than before this all started. He really helped me conquer this whole thing. I know it wasn't God telling me to do those crazy things. It was my OCD.

P.S- For all of the Scrupulous who may have read my obsessive religious rules, Don't believe any of them. I hope I helped you to realize how crazy you are. :)

Focus!

Bree! Focus! Come on! Look me in the eye!

FOCUS

I don't know if it's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or what... But I know there is something incredible beneath my skin that makes it impossible to concentrate at times.
Focus comes easy to most people. But when focusing is tough for you it can be really hard just to accomplish everyday tasks. Even going to bed, or getting ready for school can be a disaster. I have had days where I stay up till midnight trying to finish the math homework I started 4 hours ago. It's really stressful and it makes you feel like...basically crap, mentally, physically, and all other ways-ically.

Today, I was especially reminded of my trouble of focusing while I was at church. My thoughts would not only wander to different worlds but would also interrupt my prayer and reflection. I would picture and think things that I really didn't want to think about. I became so obsessed with trying not to think these thoughts that I would completely miss what the readers or priest was talking about. What was supposed to be a pleasant and holy hour turned into a mental roller coaster. Walking out of church, I didn't feel happy and accomplished like most people would. I felt guilty and mad at myself, like I should just turn around and march right back in for another mass.

This kind focus trouble I can definitely say is OCD, because it is the same stress anxiety, and interfering thoughts that brought me to the wonderful road of Scrupulosity. Yeah.... Don't take that road... Not fun.
But there are other kinds of focus trouble. Maybe you just have something on your mind or an anxiety you can't stop thinking about. Sometimes we have trouble focusing when were doing something we don't want to do, like math homework :)

If you're having trouble focusing, these are a couple things you can do.

-Chewing gum really helps because it keeps your mind busy. (Which of course I can't do because of jaw problems.)

-Take short, frequent breaks. (Drink a glass of water, Doodle, Eat something) But, make sure it's a short break. Not procrastination! :)

-Taking omega-3 fish oil. It is proven to help children with disorders such as ADD, ADHD, and OCD. It also all-around help your brain. Plus it helps prevent the three most common kinds of cancer.

- Caffeine is good, but not always the healthiest choice. It's also addictive.

- Mints!

- Exercising! Even if it's just some push-ups or jumping jacks, it helps! And it makes you feel good!.

- Getting enough Sleep. To get A's you need Zzzzz.